The Advice You Can't Take

Today I'm going to be talking about why you can give everyone else all this incredible advice, but you cannot take your own. And if you've ever told a friend exactly what they should do with complete clarity, and then you realize that you're in the exact same situation and you're doing nothing about it, this is what we're going to talk about. Because here's the thing, it's not hypocrisy, it's not that you're a fraud, it's that you can't see your own life from the outside. You're too close to it, you're inside it, and being inside it is making you blind. Let me show you what I mean. Your friend calls, they're stuck in a job they hate, they're underpaid, they're undervalued, boss doesn't respect them. What should I do? They ask, well the answer is obvious, you leave, you update your resume, you start applying, you're worth more than this, this is what you're telling them. And you say it with complete certainty, because it's clear, they should leave, anyone can see that, and they thank you, and your advice is exactly what they needed to hear. And then you hang up, and then you remember, you've been in the same job for three years, and you're also underpaid, and you're also undervalued, exact same situation, except when it's your job, it's not that simple. You have reasons, right? You have bills, you have stability, the job market is tough right now, maybe it'll get better, you don't want to start over, what if the next place is worse, right? The clarity that you had two minutes ago vanishes completely when the situation is yours. And I've done this, I've sat across from someone, I've told them exactly what they need to do. I feel completely confident about it, and then I drive home, and I realize that I'm dealing with the same thing and haven't done anything about it for months. It's bizarre when you catch yourself doing it, but it happens all the time. So why does this happen? Because it's very frustrating. See when your friend tells you about their job, you see it from the outside, you see the whole picture, the pattern, the trajectory, where it's heading if nothing changes. You see it in third person, like watching a movie. The main character is clearly in a bad situation, and the solution is very obvious. But when it's your job, you're not watching anymore, you're living it, first person, every day is a new decision, every day has a different variable, every day feels different than the whole pattern, right? You can't see the pattern when you're inside it. You can only see today. Same thing happens with relationships. Your friend describes their relationship. It's clearly not working. They keep having the same fight, same issues, nothing changes. You can see it so clearly. This isn't going anywhere. This pattern won't break itself. If they want something different, they need to leave or change something fundamental, and you tell them this gently, but clearly, and they agree, and you're right, and they know you're right, and then you go home to your own relationship that has the same fights, the same patterns, nothing changing, except when it's yours. It's different, right? It's not a pattern. It's a series of individual moments. This fight was about dishes. That fight was about plans. They're not the same. You can't see that they're the same fight with different costumes, because you're in it. You're experiencing each moment as separate and as unique, and you can't zoom out. You can only see today's version, not the pattern, and this is why therapists go to therapy, why financial advisors, higher financial advisors, why business consultants need consultants for their own businesses. It's not because they don't know what to do. It's because knowing what to do requires seeing from the outside, and you can't see your own life from the outside. You are always in first person, and here's what that actually costs you. Years. It's not perspective. It's not clarity. It's years of your life, because you will eventually see the pattern. You always do, but you'll see it two years from now, or five years from now, or you'll look back at this exact moment, and you'll think, well, why didn't I just leave that job, or why did I stay in that relationship so longer? Why did I keep waiting to start? And the answer will always be obvious in hindsight. But here's a brutal part. Everyone around you can see it right now. Today, your friends see it, your family see it. They're watching you stay stuck in something that's obviously not working, and they don't know how to tell you, or they've tried to tell you, and you've explained why your situation is different, and you've deflected, and you've explained why the advice doesn't apply, and you've explained why you have contacts that they don't understand, and that's the trap. The trap is thinking that your situation is unique. You think the complexity that you see from the inside means that the simple answer doesn't apply to you, but I'm here to tell you that it does. You just can't see it yet. So the question you're probably asking you, Scott, how do I see it now instead of five years from now? You have to force yourself into third person, deliberately and uncomfortably. You have to describe your situation out loud, not how it feels, but how it looks. You've got to strip out the emotion. You've got to strip out the context. You've got to strip out all the reasons, just the facts. You have to say to yourself, this person has been in the same job for three years, underpaid, undervalued, keeps saying it'll get better. It hasn't gotten better. Would you tell them the leave? Obviously. You have to say to yourself, this person has been in the same relationship for two years. Same fights, same patterns, nothing is changing. They keep hoping it will. What would you tell them? You tell them it's not going to change on its own. You have to say to yourself, well, this person keeps saying they're going to start the business. They've been saying it for 18 months. They always have a reason to wait. What would you tell them? Well, you'd tell them to stop waiting and at the perfect moment is incoming. See, the advice that you give that person without hesitation, that's the advice you're not taking. And you're not taking it because from the inside, it feels more complicated. From the inside, you have reasons. From the inside, you're not a pattern. You're a series of individual days that each makes sense on their own, but I'm telling you, you're not a series of days. You're a trajectory and everyone can see where you're headed except you. So here's what I want you to do. The next time you give someone advice and it feels obvious, like you're almost frustrated that they can't see it, write it down, and then ask yourself, honestly, am I in the same situation? And if you are, that advice was never for them. It was for you. They were just the mirror that let you see it. The advice isn't different because it's your life. You just can't see it from where you're standing and you can either figure that out now or figure it out five years from now and wonder why you just didn't listen to yourself sooner.